WERE YOU BORN THIS WAY?

Ahh, the age-old question of nature versus nurture; it dates back to antiquity. Philosophers like Plato and Aristotle argued whether character was innate or shaped by experience long before we considered (or knew) how home literally shapes us.

Who would have thought the bedroom you grew up in, the hallway you paced rehearsing for the school play, even the table you gathered around for family dinners, all played a role in constructing who you were becoming. Your childhood bedroom with its twin bed and plaid drapes — they weren't just décor, they were marking your identity; you were already a work in progress.

Our everyday surroundings that start from childhood and travel with us throughout life, wherever we live and wherever we go, are more influential than we ever knew.

Until...

Psychologist Roger Barker’s mid-20th-century research on behavior and how our settings truly shape us was seminal. At the time, no one had ever conducted such a large-scale study and certainly not by embedding a team of researchers into a little town of 725 in Oskaloosa, Kansas. It was the late 1940’s, research was conducted in laboratories. The idea of a field station? Living among the very people you would research? Crazy talk. But, Barker was resolute: he believed that if he and his team were to understand behavior in the real world, they’d need to enter it. Their research was a first and spanned over a decade, and what he and his team discovered was groundbreaking.

Photo Credit: The Topeka Capital-Journal

Barker’s Oskaloosa study showed that environment and behavior are in fact, inseparable, that settings themselves have power beyond individual upbringing or biology. Spaces give us cues, stage directions that guide how we act, feel and grow. Never is this more apparent than home where we spend the majority of our time. So, if home shapes us, whether intentionally or not, think of the possibilities: if we can become conscious of these cues and direct them with purpose, we have the power to transform not only our spaces, but our lives and the lives of others as well.

While nature and nurture always work hand in hand, structure and design may have the more important function: our settings play a huge role in our lives and across every stage in our lives too. From your childhood home or college dorm to your first apartment with that leaky ceiling, each space left an imprint on you.

Maybe the leaky ceiling was the catalyst to meet your neighbor, who became one of your closest friends. The light (or lack of it) in that same apartment cues your body’s responses today about how much light affects your mood. And it might be entirely different for someone else. These moments contribute to the structure of our well-being. The opportunity now is to be aware and create those cues yourself.

It’s easy to think design is common sense: Place a bed on a blank wall. Add a chair. Bring in a lamp. Aesthetically and functionally, these things matter, but the real influence, the part that really nourishes us, is a more subtle experience. It involves your senses.

For instance, I burn my favorite Agraria Balsam candle at home and in my office for pleasure, but also to elevate the space and activate guests' senses, to enhance their feeling of well-being, too. My favorite fragrance says something about me while inviting them to feel welcome. Your olfactory can place you in a nostalgic scene from the past or a new grounding memory in the moment. When I smelled my balsam candle for the first time more than 20 years ago, it smelled rich to me — and I mean rich in every sense of the word; it smelled elegant, rarified. I didn’t just smell it, I experienced it. I want anyone who comes into my home or office to feel the very same way. I want them to feel they’re in a special, curated place.

I also fill a large oversized silver and marble bowl in my office with gold foil wrapped Ferrero Rocher chocolates — it greets guests at the limestone desk the moment they walk in. I keep sparkling water and bowls of pistachios always on hand too, so guests can always help themselves. These are more than gestures, they signal hospitality, which is a big deal to me. They communicate that I care and set the tone for a friendly atmosphere. These aren’t superficial details. They aren’t there to look good; they’re emotional anchors simply disguised as material ones. They are meant to make you feel good. Whether we notice them or not, they are at work, influencing us, all the time.

I think the important thing to remember is that space holds us, prompts us and sometimes even resists us. Think about everything around you, but specifically things that stimulate a sensory response, like the memory of your grandmother’s sterling silverware you inherited. The tactile feel of it in your hand differs from other flatware, right? — or the piece of pottery you picked up on your cross-country road trip with your bestie — it will always hold a special place in your emotional psyche. These things matter, not just because they caught your eye, but because they become talismans — anchors for memory and meaning to your life.

I can literally look at most every object in my home and tell you where it came from and what the story of it was. I’ve spent my life collecting and now make a career out of collecting and curating for others, but everything I buy must mean something. A tarnished flea-market candlestick picked up in Paris’s Marché aux Puces de Saint-Ouen means more than the polished one I find online. It’s because a story comes with it. I love curating and collecting so much that I’ve started to congregate all sorts of things for you to see on ShopMy. These are more than shopping lists, they’re ideas for how objects can be assembled and while acquired can tell a story and become lasting objects that are meaningful to us.

Your closet is more than storage — it’s a setting that shapes your daily rituals and self-expression. A cluttered wardrobe creates decision fatigue, but an edited one makes getting dressed intuitive and efficient. It also signals self-worth and spawns creativity. What’s better than looking into a closet each morning when your wardrobe is organized and easy to access? You’re able to see things clearly, able to pull things together to mix and match to the mood or look you’re striving for that day. Think of categorizing by color, keep everyday pieces at eye level, switch out seasonal clothing so you make the most of your space and your time.

Grooming rituals work the same way. A streamlined vanity — skincare in order of use, daily products grouped together — saves time while creating calm. Fewer, better routines let you step into the day with clarity. Efficiency here isn’t the enemy of beauty, it’s the foundation for it.

My mother and grandmother taught me early that food is love–and the best way to spread love is to share food. My mother and grandmother were quintessentially southern, always hospitable and warm. There was always something good to eat on hand when you stepped into their kitchens. They’d drop anything and cook for you if there wasn’t. It was their way of showing love – ‘Hi, I’m so happy you’re here–what can I offer you!?’

I still remember the smell of my grandmother’s kitchen. She made biscuits every single morning and her kitchen smelled of them always. When she passed away, I inherited her cast-iron skillets and rolling pins that she used daily. These are the meaningful pieces that are true talismans.

Elisabeth's kitchen, Amherst, MA

My mother-in-law and her kitchen became another strong influence in my life — there was always a fire burning in her Amherst kitchen and she was well-educated about food and culinary techniques. She had been to cooking schools and knew about all the right tools and she had all the right equipment. Not that this makes for a good cook, but she was, and she knew all the instruments to make food prep easier. Stepping into her kitchen was warm, fun and like science class!

These kitchens were incredibly important settings for me — they still evoke emotion and inform me today. And wow, what incredible lessons I learned from these loving women who inhabited them.

Irene, Elisabeth, and Betty

To continue on this notion of food as love, and how it's tied to the environment in which we experience it., I recently made homemadebanana bread for my team. It’s a staple from home which I’ve made for years (more on my essential recipes later.)

I LOVE bringing food that I've prepared to the office. Whether it's a baked good or lunch that we do every few weeks from a rotation of easy-to-transport recipes, sharing a home-cooked anything together with my team invokes a sense of belonging and home into their work day. I want everyone to feel comfortable and comforted. These moments of shared homemade food yield some of the best creative ideas and conversations and they bond us. We talk about everyone’s favorite comfort foods and the memories associated with them.

And then there’s music. If Barker Roger proved that our environments influence our behaviors, then I’ve got to believe that music is part of that invisible architecture too. Music sets the tempo of a room instantly and it shifts the way we feel. The clink of glasses over dinner feels different when Coltrane hums in the background and Sunday mornings feel different too when bossa nova is drifting through the house.

I’ve always believed that sound rounds out the senses. It can be bold or subdued, or somewhere in between, just like interiors. I believe it's an unseen layer of design. My own days have their playlists and they’re an integral part of the fabric of my life. My music taste is eclectic; it might even surprise you. It’s woven into my creative work, my quiet time and always breakfast, lunch and dinners with family and friends. I look forward to sharing more of these in the future with you too.

At the end of the day, your home is a stage and in many ways a springboard. Either intentionally or not, you create an environment for yourself and for others who ultimately go out into the world with its imprints and takeaways, big and small.

To that end, here’s a photo I never thought I’d see: my son Carson in an antique shop, taken by his girlfriend Olivia. If we’re to consider Barker’s theory, I think we’d have to conclude that Car was clearly influenced by all the shops he passed through growing up, as my child (unwillingly, I might add.) Ahhh, what love will do.

I’ll leave you with this — in my former life, when I owned Mrs. John L. Strong, one of my favorite Herman Melville quotes was engraved onto a card that read: “Life’s a voyage that’s homeward bound.” I believe this to be true. Wherever we go, whatever the path we find ourselves on, it starts at home and I hope it returns us there too.

Welcome to this world I call Life Architecture. It means so much that you’re here at the beginning with me. I hope you’ll subscribe to follow along. Join us too on Instagram or any of your favorite social platforms for the visual notes that often spark the conversation.

I can’t wait to share more with you here on The Living Edit.