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LOVE

And Life Architecture


I’ve been thinking a lot about love lately, and what love means to me–and to different people.



After all, everyone loves differently, right? You can be a realist or an idealist, a romantic or a rationalist. You can even be a cynic. But if you live on planet Earth and you’re human, you’re not immune to having some belief about love.


I’ve decided I’m an existentialist when it comes to love. By that, I mean I don’t see love as an idea — I see it as something very much lived, that you experience. To be an existential lover you have to be willing to exist within the full range of emotions at any given moment, and then ride their evolution, just to have a shot at fidelity.


Existential love is big love. Maybe even bigger than romantic love, because it asks so much of you — it requires holding a broader perspective with yourself, and that’s before you even enter a relationship with someone else. It’s an approach to living with love, rather than waiting for the being in love part. Romantic love matters deeply to me too, but it’s only part of how I understand and value love.


I do think about love philosophically — I question it. I turn it over. But mostly, I live it more than I ideate about it. Even as an existentialist, I don’t move blindly. My thoughts about love tend to come from experience. They show up more as lived questions — like whether what I’m experiencing is healthy and real, or something less true.


When I really think about it, love for me comes down to a few simple — but big — questions: Am I willing to choose this, even when there are no guarantees? Is this shaping and complementing who I’m becoming? Am I taking responsibility for what I’m choosing, not just how it feels in the moment? Does it feel solid and healthy? Am I learning something new — about myself as much as about another? And am I glad I experienced it, even if it doesn’t last?



Another belief of mine: Love’s potential and size is directly correlated to how much you’re willing to participate. It involves risk, and either you accept it — and spin the epic game-of-life wheel — or you don’t. It leaves much to chance. It reveals who you are through what you do, not what you mean to do. The meaning comes from the engagement, not from certainty.


Everyone and everything I’ve ever loved in my life — family, friendships, romantic relationships, my work — has been my way of answering those questions.


Love has never been something separate from the rest of my life. It’s been inseparable from the choices I’ve made, the risks I’ve taken, and the way I’ve stayed open even when outcomes weren’t guaranteed. And yes, sometimes it has hurt. But I’ve learned from it.


I get that love can feel abstract. Who can ever define its genesis — or if, or when, it will happen? But the only way to even possibly discover it is to experience its rites of passage. And if you want to give it a real shot, it requires you to show up.


The act is love, not the outcome. You have to choose — and then be willing, vulnerable, and committed, even if scared — to do it anyway, with absolutely no guarantee that it’s going to work.


Once you see love this way, it naturally leads you to ask a different question: what does it mean to lead with it?


FAM. WORK. MOI.

I Love Them All

For me, it shows up everywhere.


It shows up in how I parent. I tell my boys often that finding your work—your purpose—is an act of love. When you lead with what genuinely matters to you, your path becomes clearer. Not straight. But clearer. This is the self-love part that I hope cements them to themselves, even through the detours. Because the winding turns they’re inevitably going to experience will be easier for it—maybe they’ll even make sense. Purpose brings love to life.



I also tell them to lead with their hearts: to stay close to each other, to family, and to friendships and partners who demonstrate the same. Who can forget Warren Buffett’s famous statement, “The most important decision you’ll ever make is who you marry.” He’s explicit in his belief that this single choice can outweigh intelligence, ambition, talent, even discipline. In his view, it can determine the trajectory of your life.


That quote has always stuck with me. It’s something everyone should aspire to when choosing a partner. I only wish more marriages lasted. Statistics place divorce somewhere between 40–50%. Roughly, only 8% of marriages reach 50 years together. Ooof.


I wonder if we’ve become so separated from our hearts that we’re missing our shot at lasting love. I think it’s why I stress presence and emotional availability, in lieu of screens and phones, so much with my guys. I want them to communicate. To bond. To feel. I worry that human connectedness is starting to wane. How can you truly know someone without physical and emotional proximity? It’s essential to seeding love.


My beliefs about love show up in how I work, too. I try to lead with care and clarity—in my actions and in how I communicate—and for me, this also means proximity. I like working together with the team in person as much as possible. Creating side by side. Sharing. Talking things through.



I really believe that a comfortable environment allows people to bond, and in my case, they truly have. It’s a real source of pride for me to watch my team come together—to see trust form, ideas expand, and relationships deepen. The work is better for it.



FOOD IS LOVE


Food is another place love has always lived for me. There’s no better phrase that captures this than food is love — and I say it constantly. I’ve written in the past about how my mother, my grandmother, and my late mother-in-law all personified love and loved to cook, so it feels only natural that this would become a love language for me.


Cooking for others is pure love. It brings me real joy. Cooking for myself is a form of self-love. If you’ve read my series on health, you know I think of this much more as nourishment (though it’s every bit as delicious, too).


On both fronts, it’s how I slow things down and enjoy home. Not surprisingly, I find that some of the best conversations happen around the table. Eating together is intimate and generous. It’s grounding. It’s that up-close way of connecting I mentioned earlier — the kind that sits at the center of love and feels increasingly rare in our lives today.


When I cook, I don’t want it to feel like a performance. I want it to feel comfortable and instinctual. That’s when it feels like love — both from your perspective and for those you cook for. The key to being comfortable? Cooking more. I’ve just been doing it a long time, so it comes naturally to me. But it can become whatever level of natural you want it to be.



If you learn a few easy, foolproof recipes and put them on rotation, just the simplest basics, there’s really nothing to worry about. You can relax and enjoy yourself. Your family and friends are there for the good company, not the production. And they certainly don’t want to see you stressed out. And if cooking isn’t your thing, or there’s simply no time, just order in. Humans need connection, and food at home is one of the most natural ways I know to share it.



A few of my favorite meals and a great dessert to master—perfect for Valentine’s—come from Ina Garten and my sister in law, Karen. Stay tuned for these in a Special Edition Substack we’re issuing in the next day or so for Valentine’s. They’re all terrific and can be pulled off easily this week.


PASSION FOR DESIGN

It Gives As Good As It Gets


Design is no different when it comes to love.


I love what I do. Truly. I’m essentially paid to design homes that people love and want to live in — and I don’t say that lightly. I care deeply about how people feel in their spaces. I’m enormously moved when clients tell me how they use each room, when they mention a favorite piece or aspect of the house they gravitate toward, or describe the details that have changed the way they live day to day.


That’s the part of the work I love most — the lived-in part. The part where a house becomes a home not because it’s beautiful, but because it’s being used fully. Honestly, I would do this work for free if I could. The joy comes from seeing people feel at home in their own lives. It’s what inspired Life Architecture — and writing, and producing content because I want as many people as possible to feel this way too.


Design even extends to the way I give — of my time, and even how I choose gifts. If I’m spending time with you, it means I care. Time is all we really have, it too is a form of love. And gifting — well, it’s one of my favorite things to do, especially on special occasions or during the holidays. I love spending time choosing something thoughtful, something that feels right for each and every person. I love seeing people delighted. And yes, sometimes I wonder if that makes me some serious version of a people pleaser. But the truth is simpler than that:



This is what leading with love looks like for me — not as an idea, but as a practice. It’s how I parent, how I work, how I cook, how I design, how I give. It’s the thread that runs through everything.


LUVVV

Less Seriously


Now that we’ve covered the serious side of love, it is Valentine’s. I’d be remiss if I didn’t share some of the things I’m loving most this season — at home, in my closet, on my table, and in my life.



The objects I’m swooning over:

My iron Japanese tea kettle

Obsessed with Japanese pottery.

Ok, any kind of pottery, including my beloved mugs.

My favorite French tea

This hat was gifted to me by my client and I absolutely love it.

This is basically a fur blanket, pancho style.

I have many, many pairs, but these are a fav. What scorpio doesn’t hide behind sunglasses?

Classic love—my forever Prada pieces

For making bath time pretty

Body love.

Skincare and cosmetics I’m devoted to.

A recent gift I love—this Hermes cuff inspired by a 1970’s piece.

Hermes Olympe Wide Cuff Bracelet

I love fragrance. To feel lovely, it must smell lovely.



Again, stay tuned for the bonus Substack coming your way as we’ll be including our V-Day—and G-Day Gift Guides with it too (yes, I just learned about Galentine’s — I’ve lost cultural touch).


In those, you’ll find some of my favorite gifts for yourself or for whomever you’re celebrating this week. I’ve divided them into two guides: great finds under $250, and then my personal NB favorites — with a mix below and above that mark.


I hope you’ll check back, have fun with them, along with the recipes, and maybe find something you love.


LOVE SWEET LOVE


I’m convinced that leading with love has brought me good people, good fortune, and great — and by that I mean truly meaningful — work over the years. I think living love-forward generally brings good karma into my life.



It’s simply a way of life. It makes things feel richer and more connected.


And honestly, it makes all the beautiful, fun, indulgent stuff we all enjoy even better when it’s held in the right perspective.


After all, isn’t working hard and enjoying life the point?


Happy Valentine’s — and Galentine’s — Day.


I hope your week is filled with tons of love, however you celebrate it.



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